Saturday, October 4, 2008

Before I Knew

My earliest memory is one of ignorant euphoria. I believe I am the only one involved who still remembers this experience, however, vivid it may be, though, I have never shared it with anyone. It may be it was too small an ordeal to permanently impact anyone’s memory but mine. It stuck nonetheless.

From what I recall I was too young to speak, but old enough to walk, meaning I could have been anywhere between the ages of one and four. My family and I were visiting a large pool with a slide and diving board, which was unusual given my mothers unwavering hate and fear of water, heights and sun-heated metal slides. As a result of my nervous mothers worrisome demands I had spent a very limited amount of time actually playing in the water. Still, I somehow managed to escape for a spell and explore on my own. I remember unsteadily walking along side the pool dangerously close to the warm and chlorinated waters edge. I watched the young people race down the slide and disappear into the crystal blue water with a large splash and cut-short scream only to magically reappear. After gasping for air and wiping the water from their eyes they would smile, splash and swim to the edge to do it again. I don’t know if I jumped into the water thinking I would simply pop back up and friendly splash my neighbor like everyone else or if I fell into the water as a result of the wet and slippery pavement. Regardless, I wound up in the pool and began the short and painless road to death by drowning. I was in a whole other world. It was nothing I had ever experienced before. The once deafening sound of children screaming and people splashing had become a droning roar in my ears. The water was remarkably clear. The suns rays danced beautifully on the floor and on my skin. It was wonderfully beautiful, painless and incredibly new. I never wanted it to end and at the time it felt it never would. Everything around me began getting soft. The roar was no longer, the water darker and the dancing rays were still. The oxygen was leaving my brain. From the corner of my eye I saw thousands of bubbles forming from which a familiar figure emerged. It was my father. His legs were spread wide and kicking like a frog while his arms gracefully moved from beyond his head to his side. With a minimal amount of strokes he was by my side. He snatched me up in his warm and loving arms and effortlessly carried me out of the pool. After a good look-over he handed me off to my mother and walked away as though nothing had happened. I thought he had either lost his mind or never entered the nirvana-like state I had, nevertheless the previous events meant nothing to him. I never felt close to death, but somehow understood my father carrying me from the pool meant more than I knew and for that I am eternally grateful, for if it weren’t for his watchful eye I would have surely drown. I saw my dad in an all-new light that day. He was my hero and I felt an attachment to him I had never felt before.

I have looked back on this experience many times since it occurred. I think it happened, although I can never be too sure. I have never looked at my dad the same way. He will always be in my mind a half human half frog. I mean a hero. He will always be my hero.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

I Hate:

  • Wool bed sheets
  • Semi drivers
  • Unsweetened chocolate
  • Nicholas Cage
  • Sticky children. I don't care what anyone says, that is NOT cute.
  • When people shorten words such as:JK, LOL, IDK, OMG, etc. 
  • Bumper stickers
  • Croc brand shoes
  • Flimsy paper plates
  • Personalized license plates
  • Nicknames 
  • Dell
  • Single ply toilet paper
  • Sleeping in a dark room with an open closet
  • Basketball
  • When people mispronounce words. Never enunciate the "t" in often. It is silent. Or should be. I think.
  • All chihuahua's and small dogs alike
  • Hoodlums
  • Extra large shirts for extra small people
  • Beginner french horn players
  • Jeans bought new pre-warn/holed/stained
  • Gel deodorant 
  • Country music
  • Button-up shirts with flames on them
  • Nascar
  • Snack pack banana cream pie pudding
  • When people decorate with metal silhouettes of animals or cowboys/girls
  • Ontario
  • Ism's
  • Getting my blood drawn
  • When people sneeze in my general direction
  • Anything IBM compatible
  • Arby's 
  • Deep water
  • Neck ties tied incorrectly 
  • When people pretend to know what a word means and misuse it
  • Clogged drains
  • South Park
  • Kenney Chesney
  • Washcloths that don't lather
  • Pants that have words or phrases printed on the back side
  • James Blunt
  • Ogden
Aaaaaaand...
  • Unnecessary slow moving traffic

Saturday, July 26, 2008

The Greats and Their Song

Ah, the sweet sound of two guitarists playing what they know. Jazz. A vision in my mind of two old, shriveled men, one playing a Gretch the other a Gibson. A beautiful sunburst ushering out the wonderful dark tone of both guitars. Joe Pass plays the entire rhythm section while Herb Ellis plays the melody and solos. Amazement fills my mind. Excitement and enticement to learn all I can to become half of what these heroes of mine have become. If I could accomplish one line, one measure of Mr. Pass's incredible comp, I would be worth something. 

I like to call myself a musician. Whether it is deserved or not is up to the listeners I suppose. Jazz has become a staple in my musical diet. It has so much to offer. In the guitar world if you can play Jazz you can play anything. You've "mastered" the instrument. Some of the greatest trumpeters, pianists, guitarists, bassists and saxophonists that have ever lived were stars of the Jazz scene. 

Jazz music can be romantic. It's great listening for a dinner for two. Nat King Cole singing Mona Lisa in the background could easily set the mood. 

Jazz can be hard to listen to. It takes a trained ear and acquired taste to truly enjoy and love this genre. If you give it a chance and let it circulate through your mind for a while you will grow to love it. It can be anything you want it to be. Laid back or not it will always suit your mood. 

With all of it's many forms Jazz will guarantee a smile to appear on my face. I say I have to be in the right mood to listen to Jazz, but honestly any mood is a Jazz mood. And for that I love it. 

A special thanks to Gene Harris for your wonderful piano skills. Herb Ellis and Joe pass, you never cease to amaze me. Nat King Cole, you were a wonderful, wonderful man with a voice that will live forever. Duke Ellington, one of the founding fathers of Jazz and perhaps the inspiration for every Jazz pianist. Herbie Hancock. Charlie Parker. And of course Count Basie. I love you all. 

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Another Day In Paradise

Peanut load? 
Wonderful. 
The beginning of the shift and I have the fastest and hardest load to pull. Good start.

That chain is so loud. 
Headache. 

My mind becomes used to the constant movement. Board after board after board. Spinning in circles and running to stay caught up.
 
Pray, pray, pray for a breakdown to give my arms and back a rest. 
It comes.
The movement stops. 

Taken by surprise, my mind suffers from something similar to sea sickness. 

Wibble-wabble my way to a stack to lean against and catch my breath. 
When did that happen? 
Blood. 
Something is wrong in the tower. Run up two long flights of stairs to the problem.
That's a doozy. 
Six minutes later it's fixed. 
Chain starting. 
Panting at my post. 
Pull boards, pull boards, pull boards...

Ouch! 
Bruised ankle, scuffed knee. 
My tendon hurts. 

Hands are stiff, stomach is gurgling, headache worsening, break coming? 
Whistle! Break time. Thank you. 
Text, eat, text, eat, text, eat. 

My gloves are still warm and soggy after break.
Gross. 

Changeover. Good. A new dimension of lumber pending. 

Intercom,
"Last load of peanut, last load. Six quarter shop, coming up. Shop coming up." 

Shop, the biggest and heaviest of the boards. 
Bad to worse.

"We're switching off being board flippers." 

Board flipper.
The job title alone nearly puts me to sleep.

Boards clanging. Country music blaring. 
Migraine. 

Another problem in the tower. 
"What'd you do, August?"
Maybe he didn't hear me. Did he look at me? I can never tell with that lazy eye and dull expression. 
Chuckle. 

Whistle! The day is done. 
Onward, home. 

"I don't want to be mean, I don't want to be cruel, but sometimes I feel I've got to drink till I drool..."
Ah, Floater. You do my mind good after a long days work. 

Drive home.
I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

Sleep pending.  

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Thunder!

The first slice through heaven made a daring growl. Dark clouds immediately made their gloomy entrance overhead. The soft pitter-patter of rainfall could be heard on the pavement and the leaves, but especially on our red tin roof. Lying on my bed in darkness I grinned. I was incredibly happy to hear this natural phenomenon. 

I have always loved big storms. I remember being little living in Wallowa, Oregon following my nervous mothers instructions to remain indoors. My sister and I would watch the impressive strikes of lightning from the windows and in our spiral notebooks write how the darkness made us feel. My notebook had Loony Toons characters on the cover, hers had Cinderella. 
My entry would say: 
"The litening is cool. I like the sound of the thunder. I also like candy." 
Carly's would say: 
"The lightning strikes with incredible force. The booming thunder shakes the very core of my soul. The nearly brown grass is enjoying this wonderful hydration, I'm sure. Drink up little blades, for it will be a hot summer."
I hated her for that. 

Today, however I was forced to miss this big storm. I reluctantly drove away from the dark clouds to the wonderful Boise Lumber. Paradise. Simply Paradise... After an hour of pulling countless boards off of a chain and placing them in their proper buggies a fellow employee informed me the boss wanted to see me. An instant punch to the gut. I was nervous and for good reason. The recent firing of a fellow seasonal new-hire has all of us up in arms. You might as well put a target on the new hires backs. Forced to wear yellow hardhats we stick out like sore thumbs. She was on the phone and looked sternly at me when I arrived. "Take a seat" she said pointing to a cushioned chair. At least it was cushioned. She finished her call and smiled at me. Thank you God, I finished my prayer. It was a happy smile, not a "fresh meat" smile. Relief. Much to my surprise the meeting was filled with praise. I scored very well on the four week review, higher than most. She made it seem like it was more of a rarity than I knew. This pleased me. 
"Your thirty day probation period is finally up" She said "Now you can start making the real bucks, and wear a brand new hardhat."
"Gray or blue?"
"Which would you prefer?"
"Blue."
Now I'm sporting a brand new, shiny, blue hardhat. Which is almost as bad as the yellow one because of it's shininess. Oh well. You can't win them all. Having been reduced to "The New Guy" for all this time, I couldn't imagine it getting much worse. 
 

Well, I missed the big storm, but work went surprisingly well. It has been going smoother and smoother. It is bearable, now. The forecast calls for rain but the pain will come no more. And for that I am extremely grateful. 


Uniform

I sat there staring at the screen. Nothing. Why is it when I start something new it always fails me? I asked myself. No reply? Thank goodness. I suppose that's a good sign. I wish there were, though. A reply, that is. 
Still nothing. 

What could I say? Do I have anything to say? Have I a blank mind that wanders aimlessly until finally it hits an idea? Not an opinion to be found? Or a belief? A solid rock foundation? Nothing?
Nothing.

I use the same words and phrases over and over again. No variations of any kind. Every time I write I say the same thing. The same format. Arrogance and ignorance filling each sentence. 

I'm happy. That counts for something. Right? Just because I can't write doesn't mean I'm not happy. 
Maybe I'm not happy. Maybe I can't label this emotion. I am sure it is artificial anyway. I should call it, Anxiety! Mixed with Sugar and Caffeine, the Perfect Combination. All you need is a crazed stare and hyper-active hands. Not to mention the poor sleeping habits. 

I always feel important in uniform. A different me. I am still me, but a different me. Plus I look dang good in a uniform. Whatever the uniform may be. Maybe I should wear a uniform for a day. It would give me a new outlook. A different angle and perspective. Maybe I should always wear a uniform. Until one day I remove the mask and come back to me. Then I can decide which I like better. 

I will do better in the future.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Pictures, pictures, pictures

I, like so many others, enjoy looking at pictures. If an article, website, book or even a blog contains no pictures, one might grow weary of staring blankly into the screen or onto the page, completely over-looking all of the valuable information and wonderful stories that lie before them. I wish something could be done, but alas, we live in an ever-increasing mechanistic society which programs our youth at a young age to only search for images rather than text. Unless of course this "text" were sent through a cellular phone or the infamous facebook. I am as guilty as the next. While visiting websites or blogs I often times find myself clicking on only pictures as opposed to the articles. A shameful thing, really. A fact I am not proud of. 

I have recently been trying to break myself from this habit, however. The removal of this band-aid is painful at first, but once you get the hang of it it's much smoother and more meaningful than clicking through albums or pulling one hair from your leg at a time. 

I hope you too can find the joys in reading. I think photography is heaven sent, don't get me wrong. But there is so much more out there to be explored and learned. I still need to improve. I started this blog today to help myself be more appreciative for the texts in the world. Writing your thoughts and opinions (few they may be) clearly is a task worthy of ovation.

To each his own, I say. But his own should be like mine. 

And that's what I think about that.